The Process Is Not the Outcome
In the first part of Avengers infinity wars, Thanos successfully manages to sit on a hill in Titan and watch the beautiful sun rise. To get where he got, he executed some pretty horrific stuff like:
Beating up Hulk so bad that Hulk retreated within Bruce Banner — never showing his face in the movie again.
Killing his adopted daughter whom he clearly loved.
Destroying half the sentient life in the universe.
Punching a lot of people in the face.
— it never occurred to Thanos that there was an alternate way to finally rest and just watch the sunrise.
(Like, walk up the hill and just sit down)
It would have saved a lot of drama, soul-crushing heartache, and well… half the lives in the universe!
So, here’s what Thanos can teach us about goal-setting gone wrong:
Don’t Get Caught Up on Process
Process is important. But don’t let it blindsight you. Like water running down a mountain face to the lake at the bottom — there are many pathways that water can take to find its way to that lake.
It is important not to confuse the process which you think you must take to get what you want, with your true outcome. If all you focus on is process, you can get lost in your day-to-day activities and forget what it is you are truly aiming for.
Simple example: “I want to buy a car.” Great! That’s excellent.
Ask yourself this question: “What will buying a car do for you?”
Your reponse might be “I’ll feel free to travel to the places I want to go, and with ease.” (true outcome).
Now, you can get to places with ease in a number of other ways that don’t require you owning a car, such as car pooling, taking an Uber, or renting a Getaround.
That’s not to say you shouldn’t buy a car anyway. But when you are setting an outcome, be sure to distinguish the process from the true outcome because the universe just might show you an easier way to get what you truly want!
2. All Roads Lead to a Feeling
Almost nobody wakes up with the conscious desire to feel miserable about anything in life. Implicit in every human goal, dream, desire, and motivation, is the attainment of a positive feeling. If something doesn’t feel good to you, then the events, people and things in your reality are typically interpreted as not good.
For example, there are people who:
Have a lot of money who experience lots of misery.
Have very little money and experience lots of misery.
Have very little money and experience lots of joy.
Have a lot of money who experience lots of joy too!
It’s not the material manifestations that determine whether we have succeeded in life or not — it’s the feeling that we color our reality with. So, with regards to your true outcome, what would you like to feel?
3. You Can’t Control How Others Feel
How someone else feels regardless of who you are and what you do — that’s not up to you. We can’t control how others feel about our thoughts, actions, and feelings. Whether someone loves you or not, whether someone is grateful or not — that’s notwithin our control.
In other words, there was no way Thanos could guarantee that the universe would be grateful by the time he had destroyed half of it. In fact, the collective rage about his actions is proof of that.
So, with regards to your true outcome, what is within your control and what absolutely isn’t? Then, focus on what you can control and manage, and divest any unworkable efforts to control the things you can’t.